Words. I love words. I love learning big fancy new words and then forgetting what they mean and then pretending that I have always known what they mean. It is mellifluously awesome. I realize that sometimes language can be a little overwhelming, so I’m here to help you, the inept reader, navigate these treacherous waters. Let’s take a look at some oft-confused words you should try working into your “vocab”, because right now you sound like “a halfwit.”

COLLISION – When two moving objects strike each other
ALLISION – When a moving object strikes a stationary object
ELISION – When a word starts losin’ letters
ELUSION – The act of escapin’ or evadin’
ALISON – An Elvis Costello song
ALLUSION – A casual reference to an Elvis Costello song

usage: Drunk drivers have collisions with innocent people. When you drag them out of their wrecked cars and start whaling on them, your fist and their dumb faces are allisioning. Now, pretend that drunk jackass is someone named Alison, or Elvis Costello. “Your aim is true, my ass!” you shout angrily. A bystander calls 911. It all adds up to a funky situation. This is an allusion to a Public Enemy song, but the reference eludes the majority of my older readers, but probably not Elvis Costello, because he is a hip dude, but he probably isn’t reading this. And neither is science fiction writer Harlan Ellison. Wait, what?

CLIQUE – An exclusive group of people
CLAQUE- A hired group of clapping sycophants
CLINIQUE – A group of sycophants with really nice skin
CLOQUE – A classy way to spell “cloak”
CALQUE – An expression introduced into one language by translating it from another: “I do not know if ‘calque’ is a calque.”
CLUQUE – The sound a French chicken makes

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