I’ve Finally Decided On My Epitaph

It has taken much soul-searching and many meetings with my spiritual and theological advisers, but I have finally concluded what my immortal parting words should be before I shuffleboard off this mortal combat. May future generations look upon my gravestone with trembling awe. “What a man was he!” they shall proclaim. “He dared climb the unclimbable!” they will shout. “He’s all mushy now!” they will cry.