Hipsters Are Vampires

This comic is included in my best-of comic collection Everything You Didn’t Ask For,
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36 thoughts on “Hipsters Are Vampires

  1. I find your use of the phrases “white culture” and “black culture” offensive. Are now both, HUMAN culture? You seem to be suggesting that either whites or blacks (or both) are somehow sub-human and thus need to have their own culture as defined by their skin color alone. (I mean, do you really think “black culture” is the same in, say, America as it is in Africa or Jamaica?) You have one skin color, therefore you have one culture?

    (And lets not even get into your statement of white take black culture, its not “white” and “black”, it’s just one group of human acting like another group of human – which makes sense because there is no two groups, they are all just human.)

    Racist, really, really racist.

  2. Hipster-haters are worse than hipsters don’t you think? They prey on how people dress and pigeon-hole individuals and imagine that they know something about sociology. Poppycock!

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  4. To me a hipster is just a newer form of a wannabe.

    They take things that they like, old big fads, things that have meaning but most of the time they don’t understand and things that stand out and put it in a blender.

    Hipsters were those kids in school that tried too hard to fit in something not cause they liked it but for the fact of it being cool. Now they have their own group and it seems like each one tries to out do the last. I don’t hate them, I find them annoying. So I ignore them.

  5. i do not accept most of you, you morons…anything youre speaking of is rifle rates….use your mind quit acting like youngsters. its truly dismal so see how idiotic so numerous individuals are.

  6. I think this is bloody brilliant – Yes we’ve had many a fashion sub-culture come before but this is the only one that only requires you to consume in the right way to fit in. At least goths need a certain level and way of comprehending angst to really be goth. Where as hipsters just need to… do what Simon says. They can do this long enough to then go out on their own and think that they’re thinking for themselves, when really their minds are just following the pre-determinded paths already set out by ‘alternative advertising’.

    The thrift store thing isn’t new though, that started with grunge, early 90’s, people used to think it was cool back then. Personally I”m glad for that as it makes it less of a big deal for me to shop there when I am actually poor.

    I don’t think hating hipsters is pointless, it’s good to be afraid of people so so effected by advertising. I know that other groups have been influenced by music and that there is marketing going on in that industry but this is out of control. It’s farking scary!

  7. fuck, this is so unoriginal….

    didn’t we say these exact things about the pop punks ten years ago? or mall goths? “they wanna be original and unique but they all dress the same!” Oh, fuck off!

    hipster haters are just a pathetic as hipsters. get over your god-damned self you pretentious bastards!

    OH FUCK, you wear cargo shorts! the only thing in your pockets is an i-phone! Oh shit! you look like you’re going to the beach, there isn’t a beach anywhere close to here!

    Holy hell! you’re wearing CONTACTS to look like you don’t need glasses?


    dick suckers….

    this argument is lame… seriously. i never thought i would be defending hipsters…

    Your allegory is a fucking vampire?! How trendy/hipster did you just get to piss on hipsters just now?!

  8. HEY JERK, Some people who shop at goodwill aren’t “Pretending to be poor” we actually ARE poor. I lived off of less than $600 a month for over a year, and it’s hard to budget clothes shopping into that amount of money, once rent and food are bills are paid. So I’m glad you can afford to consume things from fantastic chain stores or maybe even boutique clothing shops, but I GET BY JUST FINE clothing myself at thrift stores. Sorry if by your definition that makes me a hipster, I haven’t seen the inside of a bar or coffee shop in 5 years. But congrats on making fun of those less fortunate than you.

  9. Self identity and individuality are being annihilated by this type of behavior. If these trends continue where will our kids learn that consumerism is the brand X of mainstream culture. And that being different or a part of a “counter-culture” derails the productivity of inept advertisement via seeing one’s self outside of the directed audience.

  10. when i saw some hipster kid at starbucks with a metallica t shirt on, i knew it was a problem. the rest of the way he dressed wouldv gotten his as kicked at any metal concert

  11. Guys, vampires, really? If anything, AIDS victims are vampires. Crack addicts, McDonalds, and Christians are all vampires. They infect a victim and that victim takes on their characteristics. Hipsters function in an opposite fashion.

    I think there’s a lot of groupthink going on here. First of all, no one is asking how hipsters are vampiric. If anything, the modern popular vampire is hipsterical, taking what it wants from other mythology. Second, everyone here is accepting that you can’t define hipsters. Yes you can.

    Anyway, I liked PBR, not a lot, but it was okay if you were on a budget. Now I can’t, because I don’t want to be lumped in with hipsters, but this article still sucks.

  12. True no Hipster will self identify, but give me 5 minutes at Union Pool and another ten at Otto’s Shrunken head and I can list at least 10 items the local thrift/vintage store will not have in stock.

  13. A hipster is someone who is not hip, but makes me think they are before I figure out the truth.

    Someone who makes music is hip. Someone who conducts science is hip. Someone who contributes to the world in some meaningful, tangible way is hip. Someone who is not pretentious or close-minded is probably hip. Someone who can intelligently argue both sides of an argument, and recognize shades of grey, is probably hip.

    Someone who stays informed about the world is hip. Someone who has opinions about things they’ve actually researched, thoroughly, is hip. They may not be *right*, they may not present themselves particularly well (“yeah man like we totally should save the dolphins man, their brain to body ratio is comparable to ours, maaan!”), but in general, especially if they can adapt their opinions to new information, they’re hip.

    Geeks are generally hip. (Not the most widely heard postulation out there, but most people are turned off by geeks’ mannerisms and don’t give them a chance to be hip. A geek is a valuable person. I guess my thesis of this comment, in a way, is that hipness equates directly with value.)

    But when you meet someone and they appear to have all the right motions and slang and accessories that go along with hipness, and then you talk to them for a few minutes and they are completely oblivious to the real world in which they live… it’s frustrating for those of us who get it. I mean, I’m a well-versed guy. If you can’t find something to discuss with me, it’s probably because you do nothing but watch “America’s Next Teen Doohicky” all day. That’s a simplification and a judgment call and I’m making it.

    Not that I don’t try. Lord how I try to wrest some semblance of basic human reality or meaning from some people. But they are children. They have no RAM for the larger world around them. Stuck in the fourth circuit, if you’re onto Leary’s model of consciousness. (Very loosely speaking, stuck in their hormonal urges. Sex and acceptance.)

    Now what is critical to the discussion, I think, is how very unfair and simple-minded all of us can be at times. I’ve done it, and my closest, most respected, most intelligent friends have done it. It is the boon and bane of consciousness itself: associativity. If what looks like a tiger is flying headlong into your face, then there is a tiger flying headlong into your face. I think we can all agree on the basic importance of this logic. It is basis of logic itself, I would say. (Curious to hear a more formally trained logician’s take on that.)

    But it leads all of us, at times, to make assumptions that are incorrect. It may be a justified assumption, but it doesn’t make it true. Not everyone who fits your definition of hipster is actually a hipster. I’m talking about the basic lack of meritocracy in the average person’s analytical skill set. Clothes do not make the man, nor money or status. Words and actions, the mind behind them, make the man. (or woman)

    It is very easy to draw neat dividing lines across reality, but there is a whole world of interesting, valuable people who didn’t get the memo to “don’t dress like X, lest you be perceived as Xa, Xb, or Xc”. Yeah there are inane people who wear huge belt buckles and trucker hats, but there might be a brilliant chemist or jazz musician who does the same thing. Just wait until you really know someone before you judge them. That’s all I’m saying.

  14. One problem with the hipster deal is that they borrow these aesthetics from so many places, that the label has become too general to really nail down. Chick dressed like a farmer’s daughter with a pair of aviator sunglasses? Hipster. Guy with long hair? Hipster. Folks who still wear old t-shirts from their youth, just because they still fit and are only moderately worn-out? Hipster.

    Everyone’s going to keep calling everyone a hipster until we’re all completely nude, or something.

  15. In order to even have this conversation you would have to define hipster, which is impossible because it’s just another large spectrum generalization people use to try to organize the world around them into little boxes they can understand.

  16. I don’t understand the point of railing against a group that has no identity. If someone wants to shop at a thrift store even though they make double the median income, let them. How does that behavior in any way devalue anything except possibly the longevity of their wardrobe?

    I just don’t get this whole ‘anti hipster’ thing that’s going around. I guess I’m not self important enough to care about my ‘sub culture’ (just another label, which I tend to eschew), which is really saying something for a guy with a friggin twitter account. Is this a NYC only thing or what? Because here in Pennsylvania I just see people, different colors, different jobs, different life goals… I wouldn’t know a hipster if one bit me in the ass

    Who gets to decide what kind of culture or life style is ‘authentic’ and exactly what are the criteria? Please understand that the previous sentence was rhetorical.


  17. Eric misses the point. A big problem with ‘hipster’ there is a refusal to self identify while reveling in the practice of cultural consumerism.

    It’s not a problem to adopt things from other cultural outlooks because someone enjoys them, it’s called fads and trends. People do it all the time.

    However, ‘hipster’ involves cultural consumption for its own sake. They’re little different from someone on a cell phone in an SUV with a latte driving to their Suburban McMansion. It’s still unfettered consumption, just under a different hat. AND HIPSTERS KNOW IT. Why else do they fear to self-identify. They are perfectly aware that theirs is a vapid and empty existence founded on the mislearned lessons of disposability learned from their parents.

    Hipsters wear their own uniform to be sure, but it goes beyond simple cultural vampires, Hipsters are the youth that lost their way of this Generation. They’re the new squares and Eichmann’s of this era, but instead of representing the status quo and narrow minded views of the 50s & 60s. The Hipsters try to put a new ‘cool’ on boring uneducated, unemployable suburban.

    Hipsters are our culture’s afterbirth. A smelly clogging waste that no one wants to keep.

    p.s. pencil thin mustaches make you look like a pedophile no matter how ‘ironic’ you think it is.

  18. I think what they are trying to say, is the people that aren’t hipsters arent anything.
    and that hipsters just take from other posers…

  19. The problem is, there isn’t anyone out there who self-identifies as a hipster. If there’s no one to fight back, than what’s the use of an argument? If you attack punks, there is someone out there who will call herself a punk and defend her choices. This basically gives critics the unchallenged freedom to attack anyone they can label a hipster.

    So all that is left to do is track and list every trait of the hipster, until every young person who lives in a city can be labeled a hipster. What’s wrong with riding bikes? What’s wrong with shopping at thrift stores? (They are often run by charities and serve primarily to recycle clothing.) What’s wrong with adopting something you like? Who are these superior and wholly original people who borrow nothing from other cultures and past generations? I don’t think the author of this page created Noseratu, but clearly this person liked the reference enough to adopt it for his or her own uses in this comic.

  20. Does it upset you that there are people out there, living their lives and having fun, who don’t even know or care that you hate them for no good reason?

  21. Having been a bike messenger for more than half a decade and watching the hipsters slowly co-opt that subculture, I say give me a wooden stake. Hmm, does sunlight work on them?

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